Turning 21

Hey everyone. I’m not sure why, but today I woke up and felt really compelled to write a little “check in” for you all. I feel like I haven’t been as active as I want to be lately. I want you to know how deeply grateful I am to all of you who have stuck with me and are excited to follow my next steps in my life and career. And of course, welcome to anyone new! Whether this blog post turns into a stream of my thoughts, a reflection, an explanation of my goals, or a mixture of all of those things - you all deserve to know what I’ve been up to. :) 

This past weekend (July 3rd) I turned 21. This felt like quite a milestone for me. A year ago on Monday, July 5th 2020, a freshly 20 year old me left for what I would say was the most life changing experience I have had in my journey so far - The Voice. Those 6 months, from July to December, were filled with some very high highs and also some very low lows. Of course, I mostly chose to share with you all of the highs. 

When I first arrived in LA, I was definitely not expecting what was to come for me. Of course I hoped to make it onto the show and advance super far in the competition, but I honestly did not even know if I could make it past the blind audition - let alone get a 4 chair turn and make it to the semi-finals. Being alone in a new place was very new and scary for me. I had never been away from home for that long. I had never even flown on a plane by myself before. The longer I was there, the more I could feel myself transforming into a different person. I met some really cool, talented people and had some really incredible moments with celebrities that I had looked up to for years. I learned important life lessons. I had experiences that matured and grounded me. 

As I said, the whole journey was quite literally life changing. It was overwhelming in both good and bad ways at times. When I arrived back in Buffalo in December, I felt different. I had dreamed of being on The Voice since I was a kid. I remember looking up to the contestants on the show and thought of them as celebrities. Then there was me. I was on the show - did some people, especially younger fans of the show, now look at me like that? I felt like I needed to rest, but at the same time I felt a pressure to do more. Everyone told me “strike while the iron is hot,” but man did I feel like I needed to cool down. 

When I came home, I felt both a sense of relief and gratitude, as well as a sense of, “oh jeez, what am I going to do now??” My time had been completely taken over by this show for the whole year, and now it was up to me to decide what I was going to do next. I found myself with a platform of people that wanted to hear more. And that is what I had hoped for, right? A wider space to share my music and my story? I felt so thankful for everything, but man, I did not expect to feel this new sense of worry and pressure on my back. What if I start to seem boring to people? What if no more amazing opportunities like that one come my way? Am I worthy of this platform? I had so many thoughts rushing at me and so much time on my hands that I had not had in months.  

So - this past weekend I turned 21. Another year around the sun. In the spirit of turning 21, I went out and had some drinks…I maybe had a bit too much. Lol. When I went home that night and laid in bed, I started crying - crying about how I’m another year older. Dreading it. Feeling like I haven’t accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish by now yet. But GIRL you were just on a national TV show, right!? Yes, I was. But at the same time, I’m the type of person that feels like they are never doing enough. I always have been. My sophomore year of high school I was in school, taking dance classes, doing two musicals at once, taking voice lessons, and more and STILL felt like I could be doing more! For as long as I can remember, I have put an immense amount of pressure on myself and tend to compare myself to others. Social media started to gain popularity when I was around 12 years old, and I know for a fact that has had an enormous effect on me and my self esteem. I can’t even imagine what it must be like for kids and teenagers now (and that’s a whole other topic I won’t get into right now). I have struggled with those comparison thoughts that I’m sure many of you have as well. “Oh man, so many of my friends are in college and have a ton of new friends and I’m not in a good enough college and don’t have a ton of close friends.” “Jeez, this influencer is making millions of dollars and owns their own house and they aren’t even 20 yet.” “That girl is so much prettier and more talented than me, I wish I could be like her.” Etc, etc...It’s quite a cycle. I think, especially in the entertainment industry, many of us can feel almost “washed up” if we haven’t released an award winning album, starred in a TV show, and been on a magazine cover by the age of 18. But I’m here to say - that’s so STUPID.

Life is a journey. Your OWN journey. STOP COMPARING YOURSELVES. And if anyone reading has ever compared themself to ME, just read this blog post babe. Lol. It may look like everyone has it together on social media, but please know that everybody struggles in their own ways. Of course we don’t want to share our weaknesses online. We want to be looked up to. We want to look like we are living our best lives. (Man I may as well start a podcast with this rambling I have going on here…future idea?? lol).

Circling back to my point, I don’t want to dread growing older. I want to be “in love with my future,” as Billie Eilish sings (who’s ready for her album btw!? omg). Another year older means another year wiser. It means more opportunities and experiences coming my way. I want to look forward to all the amazing moments I am going to have. Not fear them. There is no time limit on moments in life, and it is never too late to accomplish something. We need to live in the present and focus on what makes us feel happy and fulfilled right now. You are exactly where you are supposed to be at this moment. Life throws curveballs at us, but I believe that everything happens for a reason. I also believe that timing is everything. What is not meant for you right now, may be meant for you in the future. Or maybe what you want right now is not what is meant for you at all and something even better is coming your way.

A couple quick examples...You may not know this, but Season 19 was actually my FOURTH time auditioning for The Voice. I won’t get into all of it, but there are audition rounds that happen before being able to walk up on stage and audition for the coaches. The second time I auditioned, it was for Season 16. I had just graduated high school in 2018. I made it pretty far in the process - all the way to being told “you’ve made it to the cast of Season 16 and are coming back to LA to have a blind audition!” I was ecstatic! My dream was coming true! And then two weeks later I got a call - they trimmed the cast and I was cut. At the time, I was completely broken up about it. I felt like a failure. I felt like I wasn’t good enough. NO! It simply just wasn’t my time. I wasn’t meant to be on Season 16. I truly believe that. I believe that I was not as confident in myself and in my style at age 18 as much as I was at 20. I had developed and grown so much as an artist and as a person between those two years. There are so many other factors as to why I believe Season 19 was perfect timing for me as well. The universe’s timing is impeccable. 

August 2018

Aw doesn’t that hotel mirror look familiar??

Now, my second story - which was actually at the same time. When I graduated high school in 2018, I was planning on going to Belmont University for commercial music. I had been accepted, had chosen my roommate, went to orientation, bought all my dorm supplies - I was ready to go. Then, when I was told that I made Season 16 of The Voice and would be in LA from September-October, I had to make the decision to go to my dream school or go to LA for my literal dream opportunity. I felt there was no way I could do both. First of all, I didn’t want to start off my first semester by being away - I would miss out on a very important period of time of making friends and getting acclimated to the school. If I made it past the blind audition round, I’d have to put that semester off. If I didn’t get a chair turn, I’d go back to school but would have missed so much already. So - I decided that I did not want to start my first semester of college by missing a whole month and maybe more, so I decided to cancel my college plans and was ready to gear up and head to LA. 

April 2018

Ya girl was ready for Belmont!!

Then, as I said before, I was cut from the show. I was devastated. No show. Now no school. All my friends had gone off to college, and my two dreams were crushed at once. Once again, I felt completely hopeless. I had put all of my hopes on this opportunity (which, I know, I probably should have thought that through a little more). 

*Another interesting timing situation here - if I had made it past blind auditions that season, the day I would have had to fly out to LA the second time would have been the same day my sister had something traumatic happen to her. Being a “young 18,” one of my parents would have had to come with me to the show. Had we left for LA, my sister would not have had the support she needed from us for the next 6 months.*

Now - again, I was in a place where I had no idea what to do. I was not going to LA, I was not going to college. I was just stuck at home. But I’m so glad that I was home. There are so many things that happened between 2018-2020 that I would not have experienced if I had packed my bags for Nashville or LA - close friends I would never have connected with, memories I wouldn’t have experienced, music I would have never discovered (one being my love for EDM!). I also had just been diagnosed with EDS in 2018 and was still trying to understand and manage my illness. At that time, I was not even planning on talking about EDS on The Voice - and look how that changed my life! Those two years shaped me into the person I became and showcased to the world on national television. I could go on and on about why I believe certain things happened at certain times in my life. Once again - timing. is. everything. Trust me, you are exactly where you need to be right now. I have to remind myself of that every day!

So...what have I been up to since 2021 began? This is a question that I have honestly been hating lately because again, I feel like the answer is, “not enough.” I think this may be one of the reasons I sat down to write this, because I’ve been feeling like I need to gather my thoughts and goals and write it all down. First and foremost, I have been taking care of myself. I have been doing a lot of meditation and reflection, spending time with my family and friends, doing things that I love to do for me - taking walks, doing dance workouts, hanging with my puppy (and 6 other pets lol), going to see live music again (finally!). A project that I have also been working on is clearing the clutter in my room and music room, because I definitely believe that a cluttered space equals a cluttered mind.

Buddy, my pup :) Follow @buddyhollythecavapoo on IG!

As far as my career, I’ve been working on various different projects. For volunteer work, I have been working with the SPCA, Make a Wish, Variety Club, O’Shei Children’s Hospital, and the Ehlers Danlos Society. I sang the national anthem for the Buffalo Bills and Buffalo Sabres. I have been doing some awesome brand deals and supporting local businesses through social media. In January, I got connected with Robby Takac from the Goo Goo Dolls who connected me with an insanely talented producer, “Grabbitz,” and we started working on a couple really cool music projects that I will eventually be sharing with you all. One project that has been released already is my official recordings of “Skinny Love” and “I Put A Spell On You.” Through both Robby and Grabbitz, I also got connected with these amazing musicians that I have been playing local gigs with (shoutout to Vin DeRosa, Rod Bonner, and GC Castillo! Check out all my upcoming events on my website and on Facebook!). Most excitingly, I am working on my first original EP that is also being produced by Grabbitz. By the way, if you don’t know who he is - go check out his music right now and watch his newest music video “Pigs In the Sky!” This dude is crazy talented. I seriously cannot wait for you all to hear the music we have been working on. For now, I am trying my best to post covers when I can - I know I should definitely be posting more often! 

As far as my goals - man, I have so many. Firstly, post more covers. Lol. Secondly, when I release my EP, I would really like to go on tour. I love performing in Buffalo, but I really want to travel. I love seeing new places, and I would love to connect with more people outside of my hometown. I am putting it out into the universe right now that my EP is going to be well received and successful and that I will be able to travel to beautiful cities and venues and share my music with awesome people. :)

Another goal of mine is to start sending in more auditions for film and TV (maybe even stage if the opportunity arises!) Acting is a huge passion of mine that I want to explore further. In fact, I fell in love with acting before I even fell in love with singing.

Story time - the reason I started singing is because my parents put me in theatre. I started my journey with performing with dance at age 4. When I was around age 11, my dance teachers told my parents that I was very theatrical and expressive and that they should try putting me in a theatre camp. And man did I fall in love. It felt like a lightbulb went off in my head. I was very much a shy kid, but when I walked on stage I lit up and became a whole different person. It wasn’t until I was cast as Horton the Elephant in Seussical the Musical at age 12 that my family went - “wait what? She can sing too!?” I absolutely love to delve into characters and share stories. If I could do that as a job TOO, man… I’d be set. 

As far as dance goes, I saw a Tik Tok the other day that I thought was such a beautiful way to look at a passion that you no longer look at as a career aspiration. It said something like, “now I can just look at dance as another cool skill that I can express myself with.” When I was a kid, I actually wanted to be on “So You Think You Can Dance” so badly. Oh and “Abby’s Ultimate Dance Competition” too lol. I ended up stopping taking dance lessons at age 17 because of my chronic health issues. For years, I resented the fact that I stopped. It was difficult for me to even watch dance videos because I missed it so much. But hey, now I unapologetically dance my heart out to dance workout videos in my room and admire amazing dance videos that I see online. And who knows, maybe dance classes / performances can come back into my life at some point too.

I have other goals as well, but those are my current main career goals. I also have personal goals. My main necessity in life is to be happy no matter what. I want to make enough money to be healthy and live a sustainable lifestyle, bring joy and hope to others’ lives through my story, travel, go to music festivals, eventually move into a place of my own, make irreplaceable great memories with my boyfriend, friends, and family. Those closest to me matter so much and come first. Yes, I have big dreams and want to accomplish so many things, but being happy and feeling healthy throughout my whole life journey is what is most important to me. 

Overall, what I am most excited for next is sharing my original music. Another thing that has been taking up much of my time is writing music. I have written over the years, but this past year I have really gotten serious about it. I feel like I have so much to say, and I feel blessed that I have the time and the opportunity to share my thoughts and stories with the world. It means a lot to me, and your support means a lot to me. Anyways, I love you all and I cannot wait for you to see what’s next.

~Cami :)